When you get the bad news



I listened intently as the Vet specialist explained what was likely going on.  An ultra sound had confirmed a liver mass and the blood panel results were off the charts for liver cell damage, it looked bad.  As she explained, I stopped her regularly; I needed further breakdown of what she was telling me.  I had so many questions, my unanswered questions were the reason I was there.  In my hand I had the proof of a damaged liver; it was the details of it all that I needed to know. 

Lets go back a bit, so you can better understand where we are today and how we got here.  Luke has had raised liver enzymes for several years; they were only slightly raised but we kept an eye on them in case.  In May he had another blood panel done which showed his enzymes slightly higher than his normal range; which was then a worry.  While Luke was at the Vet, my Vet did a quick ultrasound on his liver. She came to the front to tell me that although she was not an ultrasound specialist; she was pretty sure there was something on the liver.  Her recommendation was to have an abdominal ultrasound done.

We got our appointment in July for Luke's ultrasound.  It took me a while to find a place where I could bring Luke in and he would be done at a certain time.  Many places have you bring the dog in early in the morning and they sit in a cage maybe hours until they are done.  That is not okay with  me so I had to find a place where they could give Luke a time, an actual appointment.  So we found our specialty Veterinarian facility and we headed to our appointment. 

There was indeed a mass on the liver but when aspirated; the sample was benign.  Since receiving this result I have done extensive research on the whole liver mass thing.  It is quite common to get a benign reading when there is in fact cancer.  Not all cancers give up their cells easily so a reading can be misleading.  The only way to know for sure was a biopsy; this meant opening Luke up which was not an option at nearly 14 years of age.  So we hoped for the best; we would monitor Luke and let the vet know of any changes.   

Two weeks ago yesterday Luke had a fall; he was not sick, he simply slipped and fell.  But that fall was devastating to him because he was stuck in an extremely uncomfortable position and couldn't get out of it.  I found him when I got home; he was sort of sitting with his leg splayed out on either side, crying.  Yes, heartbreaking.  Luckily I had not been gone for a long period of time.  I got him up and he passed out on the couch; it had completely exhausted him.  The first few days after the fall were scary; he wasn't eating and could barely walk.  I could just imagine what his poor old body felt like.  I gave him pain meds to help him through but after a few days I thought a Vet visit was a good idea.

I took him in for a full physical, blood panel and urine analysis.  His blood panel results came in and I got the call.  I could barely believe what the vet was saying; how could his levels have gone up so much?  She (a new vet) recommended an ultrasound and biopsy.  Then I explained that Luke had one done only three months earlier; so she said to call the specialist and give her the results, which I did.  I also made an appointment to see her which was yesterday.  Until our appointment I scoured the internet trying to find anything on the results of Luke's panel; everything pointed to liver cancer.

Her explanation was that it is most likely cancer.  Luke is drinking a large amount of water and urinating a lot, it is the liver.  The specialist was alarmed by Luke's blood panel and the fact that he looked so good.  We had a long discussion on what the next steps were and agreed that the best thing for Luke is to enjoy his life.  "Enjoy every minute with him" is exactly what she said.  We could open him up to see what is going on, but then what?  Then he would have to recover from that; if he even made it through the biopsy.  We could do more ultrasounds; "but what we do with the results?" the vet said. 

Our dogs live a long time these days; when cared for properly, they easily outlive their wild ancestors.  Because of this care, we are faced with illnesses that would never arise in the wild, because they would never live that long.  I remember meeting a wolf with Vestibular disease at a wolf sanctuary and asked the woman who worked there "wolves get vestibular disease?"  She said "not in the wild they don't, they don't live long enough." That statement has stayed with me.

Luke is epileptic; he has had grand mal seizures for eleven of his fourteen years.  The idea that he might make it to the ripe old age of fourteen was something I dreamed about.  Well, he made it and he is happy, eating and loving his life.   My liver fear was confirmed yesterday; what do I do with this information?  What do you do when you get the news that you didn't want?  You live life to it's fullest.  We came home from the vets and ate chips in my office.  Luke loves sleeping in my office and we all LOVE chips.  He had roast beef for dinner, his favorite and he ate like a horse.  This news has changed nothing for us; we will continue to do the things that Luke loves as we have been doing for most of his life.  One of the greatest things in life is watching someone you love, enjoy life.

12 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us. We all have to deal with these times and having you as a guide is so helpful. Your perspective and understanding of the reality of the situation is such a great example. Blessings to Luke, and he is truly a lucky man to have had such love and care for a good long time.
    We have had four standard poodles. Our first boy lived to be fifteen and we lost our last one to bladder cancer at eight. My thoughts go out to you at this time.

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  2. You are doing exactly the right thing. I work for a veterinary internist/oncologist and have seen a lot. After a certain age it is just not worthwhile to put them through all the diagnostics/surgeries/treatments that are now available. You get very little extra time with them and they have been miserable for a portion of it. Just enjoy every day that you still have with him, then help him over the bridge when it is time. You will know when that is.

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  3. My heart goes out to you. I haven't been able to see my standard grow old. I miss him terribly, but he has been living with a friend for the last two years. I wish I could be there for my dog like you are for yours. Poodles are such a joy. I've shared my life with many dogs, but none was as close to me as my standard.

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  4. I cried all through this blog - for you, for me, for Luke and for my poodles now and my poodles I've lost through cancer and whatnot. You wrote it so well and I want you to know that 2 things you said will stick in my mind now forever; one about how they live longer lives than in the wild, and the greatest thing in life is watching someone you love enjoy life. Thank you from my heart for those words. Gotta go get some tissues now. Keeping you and Luke in my prayers.

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  5. What a wonderful testament to a well lived life! We lost our 14 y/o 90 lb poodle last October. It wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. He was such a happy dog and I was so blessed to have 14 years with him. That's what I remember.

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  6. I have been enjoying your blog for so long and have been following Luke for the past year; his play times with Elsa and his struggles with his health. My Remy is the spitting image of Luke and your story really hits home how special they are and how much love we receive from them. We pray that Luke continues to enjoy the life he has left.

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  7. Beautifully said, thank you. That news is always so difficult but you are right that the best thing is to let them enjoy their life and to enjoy it right along with them. I wish you many days, yummy chips together, and lots of snuggles. And I wish you peace in your heart, knowing you are doing the very best for him.

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  8. My beautiful Poodle India was diagnosed with early stages of kidney failure a couple of months ago. So I read your article with tears in my heart knowing how it feels to receive such devastating news. India is 13 years old and she is my heart. My vet has not told me what to expect ..only sells me the dogfood good for her condition. She drinks copious amt's of water and urinates copious amt's too. She's happy and playful and for that I am thankful.We've never been separated for more than 8 hours in the 13 yrs. I've had her and I don't know what I will do with out her. I am 76 yrs.old and am not looking forward to living without her.

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  9. Thank you for sharing this with us.Love Luke ...he is just so precious.I knew he wouldn't live forever but you still dread the bad news.I have the upmost respect and admiration on your decision and letting him just live his happy life.Thank you for letting me be part of his FB life! Hugs and kisses to him.You are in my thoughts and prayers along with Luke.

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  10. Sherri, I know how hard this is, but you are doing what's best for your dog. Along with King Tux, I have an 18 yo rescue, Cookie. Her liver has been going bad for the past few years. She just had a horrible bout of vestibular disease and is in a vet's med. boarding facility. If she doesn't recover enough to walk/stand on her own, I'll have to let her go. Very hard no matter their age.

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  11. So very sorry to hear that Jan. I hope she comes around so that you can have a bit more time together. Hugs.

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  12. We have our 3rd standard, Ember, a beautiful black...Ginger and Kadey, both browns, passed after 14...both giving us much joy and love...Ember is 3...how fast the years go...enjoy this precious time with your beautiful Luke..my thoughts are with you.

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